even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
