it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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