Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
