Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
