i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
