just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
