Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
