I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
