I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
