My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize