I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
