i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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