after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
