just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
