I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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