yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
