wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
