If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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