You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
