her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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