please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
And then the night went full on bisexual.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
