I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
