Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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