If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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