I hate all girls vehemently.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
