I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize