I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
