It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
