dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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