omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
