Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
