Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
