Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
