Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
