she was so not down for the gang bang
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
