mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Pants are for mortals
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
