wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
