Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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