I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
it was like eating out sand paper
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
