after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
