Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Duck Duck Cougar?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
