Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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