My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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