Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
