First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
