the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
