hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
