I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
