Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
A+ Viking dick
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
