What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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