I cockslap morals
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
