So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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