Apparently you make a good broom.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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