Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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