I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I am mentally ready for anal.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
