Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
