Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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