Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Yo dont text me then not text me
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
