Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
