Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
