Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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