If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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