I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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