24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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