so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
