she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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