I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
