Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
