Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
