It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
