I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
