i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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