I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize