i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
