People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
