Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
