Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
