my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
