You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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