nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize