physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
