My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
