I puked a lego.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
