i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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