I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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