last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
A+ Viking dick
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
