PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
