But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize