i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
