Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
