last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
