I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
