Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
