If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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