I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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