My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
