she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
