My girlfriend figured out who you are.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
