Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
