It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
