..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Pants are for mortals
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
