I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
