I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
