I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
