you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
