Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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