Please, let me fuck your mom
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
